the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
