dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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