No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
