I can't breathe out the right side of my face
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
