The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
