It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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