Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
