I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
