Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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