Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
