Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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