Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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