I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
