turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am available for nakedness
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
