his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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