she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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