Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I can't turn off my feet"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
