i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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