i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize