I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
