someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
