I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
