so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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