i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
