We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
