I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
