NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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