There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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