i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
