Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
