# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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