i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
