I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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