haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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