took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
