You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
this beer tastes like vomit already
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
