Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
