My hand turned me down
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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