Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
