the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
