hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
