I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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