Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
