You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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