I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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