So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize