the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
