I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
