Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
