wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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