Tell her she can't have a vagina
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
