I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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