On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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