She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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