Even the bartender felt bad for me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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