i wish starbucks made bloody marys
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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