After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
A bitchslap is in order.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize