I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize