His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize