my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
