It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
