omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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