a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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